Hey everyone! Not the dumb bitch making it to the end
I know that these speeches should typically come from the heart, but I don’t have a heart so I had to borrow one from the morgue real quick.
This has been quite the experience for me and I’m ready to just let go and write as much as I can. I also have the memory of a goldfish so if I forget something or you want me to expand upon something, let me know.
EPISODE 1: Setting myself up
My biggest mistake (or mistakes, I should say) last season that sent me home was my big ass mouth and my abrasive personality. Going into this season, my goal was to change it up, shut the fuck up, and actually be nice to people. And I know y’all know how that went.
This was only the first episode and a ton of shit that I had to deal with already happened.
When I logged on to the server for the first time, knowing this was a shorter season, I wanted to use my social game to my advantage and make friends with as many people on the tribe as possible because I was not about to be an embarrassing first out, you know?
One of the very first people I made a connection with was Mike. I sent him that
emoji, he loved it and we were working together ever since. From here on out, he would become my closest ally all the way until his exit.
Some other people I noticed in the cast were Morgan and James, or as I like to call them, the lovebirds. I was not at all excited to see them here. I worked with them last season for a few votes, they tried to turn on me, and I got them both out. So I was already expecting them to work together *to some extent* and also hear my name come out of both of their mouths.
The target of this episode was Carolyn. I was all down for it, but I had been hearing from others (mainly Mike) that my name was being thrown around by Morgan and James. From what I can remember that was told to me, Morgan was still a bit sus of me from last season and James apparently had PTSD from playing with me last season
. Naseer had also come to me, telling me that James had told him I was good at finding idols. What they were not about to do is run around the tribe painting a target on my back.
So with Mike and Naseer coming to me with this info, I knew I had to strike as soon as possible before they get their revenge on me. That’s when Mike came to me, tells me that he saw a pic of Morgan and James’s meetup and that’s exactly what I used to paint a bigger target on their backs.
I went to pretty much everyone on the tribe, painting a target on James and Morgan to make sure that they get targeted first and that I can stay safe for a few more votes.
EPISODE 2: Breaking up the duo(?)
So with James and Morgan’s target quickly growing, I wanted to make the move as soon as possible. My target was initially James, but he won immunity so I set my eyes on Morgan instead to break up their duo.
By the time Tribal came, word of James and Morgan’s shenanigans had spread throughout camp and everyone was ready to take a shot.
Apparently, James was talking down to people and commanding everyone around. All I had to do was play the victim for a little bit and gradually add more fuel to the fire before I push him into it.
So long story short, Morgan goes home and this is when my war(?) with James starts.
EPISODE 3: The war continues
By this time, my relationships with some of the people in this tribe have expanded and gotten much stronger. Hali trusted Mike a lot, so that meant Hali wasn’t gonna target me anytime soon. I also made a strong bond with Paul. Paul was somewhat close to Michelle, so I knew that they wouldn’t target me this early in the game. Around this episode going into the next, I also started a small bond with Voce and Rodney.
With Morgan gone, James now knows that we’re after him. James had just won immunity last episode so Mike and I had to quickly think of a backup plan just in case he wins again. My worry this episode was that if he won immunity, James would turn things around on me and try to get me out. Eventually, we settled on Naseer. By this time, Naseer had been playing pretty hard. He was eager to make big moves and loved to talk game all the time. This rubbed some people in the tribe the wrong way.
James doesn’t win immunity, but he does play a fake idol and got people to switch their votes, not for me, but for Naseer who ends up going home.
EPISODE 4: The war (and the obsession) ends
So I have to deal with James for one more day. James and I didn’t really talk at all in this episode, but we both knew that we were coming for each other.
During this episode, I focused on strengthening my relationships (Mike officially became my #1 somewhere around this day and the previous one) and also making sure that the target stayed on James.
With James possibly going home (which he did), I took it upon myself to put new targets on other people’s backs (mainly Paul and Michelle). I loved both of them but I was getting a little suspicious that they were working with James. I don’t exactly know if this was the case, but I went with it and used it as a reason for other people to target them.
EPISODE 5: Bitch idk what to title this
This is when things slowly start to go downhill for me.
Rodney went home here after a tie with Sydney.
I did not want Rodney gone here at all. I was just starting to grow a bond with him and I didn’t see it as good for my game if he left. I much preferred Sydney or maybe even Michelle going because I did not trust both of them. My plan didn’t work out however as pretty much everyone was leaning on Rodney.
I was scared that people would target me because of the last episode so I decided to just bite the bullet and vote Rodney out. This was also the time when Voce and I were getting a little suspicious that there hasn’t been a single advantage played. That worried me. I had just gotten out of my whole ordeal with James so I didn’t want to get idoled out. I then went to a few people with my worries and had a part in suggesting we split the vote between Rodney and Sydney. I proposed that the guys vote for Rodney and the girls vote for Sydney just in case Rodney plays an idol.
Even with this whole Rodney target growing, I still wanted a chance at saving him. My whole thing was “Okay so I like Rodney so if he plays an idol, Sydney (my preferred target) goes home instead.” That didn’t end up working and things just got even worse from here.
EPISODE 6: A fucking disaster
This was the night of the double tribal.
My targets to get voted out in the double were Paul and Michelle. They were beginning to win challenges and I didn’t want to have to deal with that going forward because my challenge performance sucked ass. Michelle wins so I set my eyes on going for Paul instead. I had convinced Mike and Hali (very easily) to vote for Paul even though he didn’t think it was the right time to do so (He wanted to wait till after the game
). Voce and I had made a very strong bond by this point, so convincing him was very easy as well. All I needed were us 4 and we were able to send Paul packing.
Bitch, but at what fucking cost?
This was also the night that my #1 ally, Mike was taken out. The target was initially Michelle, but she had just won immunity. Not only that, Paul had told Mike that Michelle had an idol 20 minutes before Paul’s tribal. Mike told me this and we went for Voce instead. Mike, Hali, and I were worried that since Michelle already won immunity, she might play her idol on Sydney since Hali, Mike, Voce, and I had just voted together.
To make matters worse, Voce and Sydney play an idol for each other (Sydney’s idol being the only successful play). So not only were Sydney and Michelle safe, Voce was now safe as well, I got exposed and Mike went home /:
EPISODE 7: Alone
With everything exposed, it was Hali and me against Sydney, Michelle, and Voce. Voce (for some reason) still trusted me after last night so he wasn’t going to vote for me. I then focused (at the beginning) on helping Hali and shift the target to Sydney instead.
With that not working and seeing the inevitable elimination of Hali, I began to change my plan. Michelle had just won her third immunity in a row. I went to Sydney and Voce and told them that if they didn’t take a shot at Michelle when they could, she will win this whole thing. I pretty much drilled this whole thing into Voce’s head to no avail. He wasn’t listening and he didn’t seem to care. With nothing working, my only choice was to win immunity or hope for a miracle.
EPISODE 8: Getting back up
With Hali gone and the odds stacked against me even more. I had no choice but to either win the challenge or hope someone else wins so I can target Michelle. Voce ends up winning and I immediately went to work. I went to Sydney and Voce and stressed the importance of taking out Michelle so they can have a better shot at winning this thing. While Sydney was down, Voce didn’t seem to be at first and wanted to do some other stuff I’m still confused about.
Now that Michelle was finally gone, the next person that Sydney and Voce thought had the best shot at winning was me. So that made the importance of winning the final immunity challenge that much more important. Thank god, I actually won something when I needed to. If I did not win, there’s a huge chance I would’ve been sent home.
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Season 40 was so much longer than this one, but this season really took a much larger toll on me. After season 40, my mental health hasn’t been the best (hence why I left Discord). When I got asked to come back, I knew that this was probably my only chance in a while to come back and prove that I did have what it takes to get far and win. This took such a toll on my mental health. There were times when my anxiety was high and I would just shut down. There were times this season when I would have to just force myself to get up and hop on here because I didn’t want to let the spectators down.
Throughout this whole game, I think my strong social game is what carried me through. I made very strong bonds with so many people here. I had people coming to me with information left and right. I even had someone that was willing to throw their games away die for me at the end if it came to it (Ask Mike).
Even when things started to go downhill towards the end (here and outside), I never fucking gave up. I got my ass up and worked day in and day out to make sure that I stayed here. Even though my physical game was barely hanging on (
), I still managed to get a win when I needed to.
I’ve poured my entire heart out to y’all and I believe that I would represent this season very well as a winner, so I’m asking you jurors for your vote.
Also if it helps, I know y’all can’t smell it, but this whole speech is ravioli-scented.
Also, not y’all asking for a speech and getting a whole ass story instead
*I'll answer questions soon <3